We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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