yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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