Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
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I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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