I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
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THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
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Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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