I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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