I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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