Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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