we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
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He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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