i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize