Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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