What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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