I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
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There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
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