The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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