i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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