I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
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Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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