I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize