I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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