Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize