He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
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Clothes are such an inconvenience.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
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The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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