well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
We named our party play list daddy issues
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
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I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
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He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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