I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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