So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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