dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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