she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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