So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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