Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
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Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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