I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize