it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
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Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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