So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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