i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
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I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
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I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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