i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
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Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
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Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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