Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize