i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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