Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
im on a boat
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