please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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