How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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