Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize