i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
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Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
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Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I forget how to act sober
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