Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
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She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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