He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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