I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize