If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize