Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Who died my cat blue again?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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