i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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