Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize