Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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