You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize