I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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