the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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