I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
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Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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